


until you learn to love yourself

by sinnerlikeme



Series: skimmons. [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 06:50:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10939209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnerlikeme/pseuds/sinnerlikeme
Summary: “i’m not afraid to love you, daisy. please don’t be afraid to love me.”





	until you learn to love yourself

**Author's Note:**

> **tw:** mentions of depression + alcohol
> 
>   
>  set sometime in 4a, obviously after daisy was reinstated at shield. 

Daisy has been rather clingy since she got back. Not that Jemma is complaining, the more time they get to spend together the better.

The taller, raven-haired hacker follows her around the lab during the day, carrying the random conversation she starts to break the silence. Jemma senses Daisy needs to talk in order to _avoid_ long periods of isolating quiet, so she doesn’t mind. Again, she isn’t about to complain, not when she went literally six months without hearing Daisy’s voice. _Again_. 

Of all the things they’ve already discussed, Daisy’s vanishing act hasn’t cropped up yet. They’re blatantly avoiding it, Jemma knows that, and truth be told that’s fine. It’s probably not healthy to elude it, but her heart aches every time she remembers just how lonely she was without Daisy around. She doesn’t want to even think about it, let alone sit down and get to the root of the issue. 

Nevertheless, she appreciates the company and the seemingly endless sound of Daisy’s voice chattering borderline nervously behind or next to her as she works. It’s not as addling as it may have been several years ago, but that was before she realized Daisy’s voice is nicer than any stretch of silence. Oh, to be twenty-five and oblivious again. 

Today Daisy enters the lab to see Simmons later than usual, and Jemma is worried as soon as she notices the look on her face. “What is it?” she almost groans, hardly in the mood to deal with much else at the moment given what’s already on her plate. “Are you alright?” 

Daisy blinks, taken aback. “I’m fine,” she says, but Jemma knows a lie when she hears one. 

She arches an eyebrow, hand on her hip. Okay, she can deal with _one_ thing, and that’s Daisy. “You don’t look fine,” she tells her a bit snippily. Daisy didn’t brush her hair this morning and her shadowed eyes are a dead giveaway. “Did you not sleep well, love?”

Daisy’s lips soften into a smile at the term of endearment. “No, I did,” she evades, but rubs her tired eyes anyway. “I just—um—I wanted to talk about something. Something important,” she murmurs, sounding embarrassed. 

Jemma crosses her arms, shrugging. “Okay,” she answers, more concerned now. “What’s the matter?” 

Daisy studies her feet, pulling her hair away from her face. “Um,” she pauses, collecting her thoughts, then takes a deep breath and asks in a small voice, “What are we?” She can’t look at Jemma, too afraid to cry.

Jemma’s brow furrows. “Together,” is her immediate response. “We’re...dating.”

“Still? Even now?” Daisy bites her lip and finally raises her gaze from the floor, dark eyes shining with tears. “Even after I left you?”

Jemma’s breath hitches in her chest and for a long, painful moment all she sees is Daisy, her Daisy, the one she knew before Lincoln’s death. The different versions of Daisy Jemma has gotten to know and has watched grow and blossom into someone a bit bolder, stronger, lovelier. A person she adores, would take a hundred bullets for. A person Jemma lost.

Daisy first asked Jemma out two years ago, prior to her transformation, when she was still just Skye. Jemma was flattered, and thankful Daisy beat her to it (she had wanted to but thought her own absence from SHIELD would affect things). They kept it casual by going to a bar to get a drink, flirting shamelessly the more shots they downed. They were still lucid enough by the time they left that they could decide not to take things too far that night, and instead went for a tipsy walk that ended in hand-holding and making out in the back of a taxi. 

Looking at Daisy now, that night, one Jemma keeps so close to her heart, feels like an utter lifetime ago. They’re older, scarred and altered by what they’ve both suffered since then. And yet despite all that’s been thrown in their direction, the one thing that hasn’t died, surrendered, or faded is how they feel for each other. Jemma was on a foreign planet for six months and Daisy went rogue for the same amount of time. They both know what it’s like to lose one another, either by choice or supernatural forces. But that’s why Daisy is anxious now, scared her choice to leave screwed up how Jemma feels. Sure, Jemma was pissed, and rightfully so, those first several weeks. She was hurt, but terrified for Daisy, who she knew could take care of herself but had never lived on her own while suffering from severe survivor’s guilt and depression. Her friend Lincoln sacrificed his life to save her and the world, because he loved her the way she loves Jemma. 

Jemma figures Lincoln’s unreciprocated feelings weighed pretty heavily on Daisy, too. Perhaps she had remorse for not falling in love with him in return. Being a woman who loves women isn’t easy on a good day, let alone when your dear male friend likes you when you already belong to someone else. Fitz had to learn how to cope with rejection a second time after Jemma fell for Daisy, and to this day Jemma has difficulty in accepting who she is. Not that Lincoln and Fitz were at fault for liking them, nor are the two women at fault for choosing each other, but when you struggle enough as it is to have pride in your feelings for another woman, naturally men get in the damn way.

That isn’t the point, though, not right now when Daisy is so focused on piecing together her life with Jemma—and to Daisy, given the fact that she felt the need to ask for clarification, they might not still have a life. 

As if Jemma Simmons could ever stop loving Daisy Johnson in any way, shape, or form. This woman is bound to Jemma’s soul. 

“Daisy,” Jemma eventually manages to say, voice strained. “Of course we’re still together. We weren’t—I mean, we didn’t _officially_ ‘break up’—I never referred to you as my ex while you were gone or anything...” She trails off awkwardly.

Daisy nods, but still looks sad. “I know I hurt you, though,” she says hollowly, gazing at Jemma’s shoulder. An echo of pain constricts faintly in Jemma’s chest, an emptiness that is now filled since Daisy is back. But some wounds don’t heal and Daisy’s abandonment might leave a scar. “I thought I was...protecting you. Death follows me wherever I go, Jemma.” Shameful brown eyes meet Jemma’s watery ones. “Lincoln...died because of me. I didn’t want to risk your life anymore. I’m sorry.”

Jemma steps closer, ignoring how Daisy flinches a little. “He died _for_ you,” she corrects in a hard voice, jaw clenched. “For you and the rest of the world. He sacrificed himself for the greater good so you wouldn’t have to. Not that he didn’t deserve to live, but he knew you would go on to make the best of the situation. And you’re going to now that you’re back.” She grabs Daisy’s hands, squeezing her fingers. “May was right—he wouldn’t want you blaming or hurting yourself because of what he _chose_ to do.”

Daisy’s chin trembles and a couple fat tears slip down her cheeks. “But he would still be here if I hadn’t—”

“Don’t. Don’t do that.” Jemma cups Daisy’s face between her soft palms, wiping away the wetness under her streaming eyes. “Lincoln gave up his life so you could live yours. That’s how much he loved you. I can relate.”

Daisy shudders. “But I don’t want you ending up like him,” she sobs. “I don’t want you putting your life on the line for me. I don’t deserve it.” She shakes her head, but holds Jemma’s hands to her face. “I don’t deserve _you_ , Jemma.”

“Let me be the judge of who and what _I_ do or don’t deserve,” Jemma snaps back, harsher than intended. “I wouldn’t have fallen for you at all if I didn’t believe this could work or that we didn’t deserve each other. I quite like myself, thank you very much, and I know who I belong to.” Her eyes flash but she lessens her grip on Daisy’s face. “You’re like a bird with clipped wings,” she murmurs, voice softening. “So let me help you heal them, okay? I’m not afraid to love you, Daisy. Please don’t be afraid to love me. Not anymore.”

Daisy leans forward til their foreheads are touching, unable to speak. Simmons winds her arms around Daisy, pulling her into a much-needed embrace, and Daisy stops resisting and hugs her back, burying her face in Simmons’s neck. Now they’re both home.

 

* * *

  

Aside from their emotional connection, another thing they’ve missed is touch.

Nude bodies curled around each other beneath the sheets of Jemma’s bed, Daisy hugs her girlfriend’s waist as she listens to her heartbeat. It is a sound that will always make her think of the word _home_. How lucky she is to still be alive to hear it thrumming within Jemma’s chest.

Simmons runs her fingers lightly through Daisy’s tangled black locks, unknotting the waves and smoothing them down, being gentle now as a sort of penance for the bite marks she scattered fervently across Daisy’s collarbone earlier. Her eyelids are heavy, drowsy from what they just did for over an hour. _It was good reunion sex_ , Jemma thinks with a smirk.

Daisy lifts her head to press a random kiss to Jemma’s jaw. “Hi,” she whispers, nuzzling her chin.

Jemma turns to kiss Daisy’s forehead in return. “Hi, love,” she responds quietly. “How are you?”

Daisy shrugs. “’M good.” She hauls herself up so her head is resting on her pillow and their faces are side-by-side. “You still got it.”

Jemma blushes and tosses an arm over her eyes, embarrassed. “You’re not supposed to sleep with your boss,” she counters.

Daisy simply shrugs again, pulling a face. “Yeah, well, you know me. I like breaking all the rules.”

Jemma snickers and connects their lips, tucking Daisy’s hair behind her ear. “Yes you do,” she agrees tenderly. “Now I do too, apparently.” 

“Aren’t you glad you became a part of my bad girl shenanigans?” Daisy asks impishly, and Jemma silences her with another kiss.


End file.
